Recently, I've had to ask myself the question: to what extent does one accept kindness from family? A problem has arisen because some family members haven given past the point that they inflict injury upon themselves. This is partially their own fault because they haven't asked themselves the question: to what extent should one offer kindness?
The rule of thumb in these situations takes the form of the golden rule. Accept kindness tot he degree in which you feel willing to offer under the same circumstances. Offer kindness as much as you would accept from that person under the same circumstances...
This is where the source of the problem is spawned. Some people might be willing to accept a great amount of kindness from others but the others might not be willing to offer such kindness. This causes a lack of balance between the two parties interacting and is only corrected by a true understanding of the other person's thresholds of giving and receiving, which is only possible to learn through personal experience with the other.
You can regard these thresholds as trait vectors.
accept <--O--------------> offer
-The diagram above shows that the giver is far to good to others and should re-evaluate the threshold for either accepting or offering by raising or lowering respectively. Outsiders can help this person by not accepting kindness.
accept <-------------O--> offer
-This diagram shows a user that will accept far more than what he/she offers and should either offer more or accept less. Outsiders can teach this type of person a lesson by simply not offering kindness.
accept <--------O--------> offer
-This diagram represents balanced individuals that follows the golden rule, by accepting as much as they're willing to offer.
Unfortunately those that are willing to help a giver and user by rejecting their offers or pleas will most likely lose something in the relationship and might even lose the relationship itself. This makes it difficult for outsiders to help another. Ideally, a giver or user should look at themselves objectively and determine what corrections they should make to their trait vectors without the need of an outsider imposing a correction "for their own good".
The rule of thumb in these situations takes the form of the golden rule. Accept kindness tot he degree in which you feel willing to offer under the same circumstances. Offer kindness as much as you would accept from that person under the same circumstances...
This is where the source of the problem is spawned. Some people might be willing to accept a great amount of kindness from others but the others might not be willing to offer such kindness. This causes a lack of balance between the two parties interacting and is only corrected by a true understanding of the other person's thresholds of giving and receiving, which is only possible to learn through personal experience with the other.
You can regard these thresholds as trait vectors.
accept <--O--------------> offer
-The diagram above shows that the giver is far to good to others and should re-evaluate the threshold for either accepting or offering by raising or lowering respectively. Outsiders can help this person by not accepting kindness.
accept <-------------O--> offer
-This diagram shows a user that will accept far more than what he/she offers and should either offer more or accept less. Outsiders can teach this type of person a lesson by simply not offering kindness.
accept <--------O--------> offer
-This diagram represents balanced individuals that follows the golden rule, by accepting as much as they're willing to offer.
Unfortunately those that are willing to help a giver and user by rejecting their offers or pleas will most likely lose something in the relationship and might even lose the relationship itself. This makes it difficult for outsiders to help another. Ideally, a giver or user should look at themselves objectively and determine what corrections they should make to their trait vectors without the need of an outsider imposing a correction "for their own good".
posted by T.S. Idiot at 2:24 PM
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