I was an overweight child until third grade. This residual baby fat was a cause of a great deal of embarrassment. Kids would tease me and call me the garbage can man, saying that I would eat anything. I would often tell myself that when I grew up and lost the weight, that I would have the confidence to be the best and most popular student at school. I lost the weight and still felt like an outcast. I blamed my lack of self-esteem on my seasonal cold sores. I thought that when the cold sores disappeared so would my inhibitions. Well, they faded away and eventually stopped coming and I was still the same; avoiding getting involved from fear of embarrassment. It wasn't because I was incapable. In class teachers routinely told me I had talent, but that attention also embarrassed me and I slowly decreased the little effort I put forth. I came upon a system that would keep me under the radar. I got the regular good grades for half the grading period and afterward I would do nothing but take the tests (which I usually passed with high scores). This had the teachers quite annoyed with me and no longer paying me that attention I loathed. Even with these conditions improving, I was still shy around girls and isolated from my peers. I came to blame these faults on more permanent characteristics, like that of my moles, freckles and red hair. Now I had a full proof excuse for all of my troubles. I didn't want to admit that I was afraid to fail, that I thought I didn't belong around these people, that being lower class in a rich school made me inferior. If I would have been honest about my shortcomings, I could have corrected them. Instead I lied to myself. It wasn't until many years later, after I was out of the inferiority Petri dish, that I was able to be truthful with myself. I learned to disregard my physical flaws and accept the person I am beneath the skin.